𝑸𝑼𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵❓
If a wife does
not allow her husband to have intercourse, should he divorce her or should he
marry a second wife?
𝑨𝑵𝑺𝑾𝑬𝑹❗️
Praise be to
Allah.
If a woman
refuses her husband’s request to come to bed with no Islamically-sound reason
(such as sickness, or his being drunk, for example), what happens is as
described below
Abu Hurayrah
(may Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘If a man calls his wife to his bed and
she refuses [and does not come], and he spends the night angry with her, the
angels will curse her until morning.’” (Reported by al-Bukhari, 4794; the
additional phrase quoted in square brackets is from Abu Dawud, al-Sunan, Kitab
al-Nikaah, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar-ah).
In the phrase
“if a man calls his wife to his bed,” the word “bed” is obviously a metaphor
for intercourse. Metaphors are used in the Quran and Sunnah to refer to things
about which people usually feel shy.
Does this
apply only to the night-time, or does it include the day-time too? The answer
may be found in a hadith narrated by Muslim: “By the One in Whose Hand is my
soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, but the
One Who is above the heavens [i.e. Allah] will be angry with her, until he (her
husband) is pleased with her.”
Ibn Khuzaymah
and Ibn Hibban report a hadith narrated by Jabir: “There are three whose
prayers will not be accepted and none of whose good deeds will ascend to
heaven: a runaway slave, until he returns to his master; a drunken man until he
becomes sober; and a woman with whom her husband is angry, until he is pleased
with her.” These are general terms, which include both night and day.
The phrase
“and he spends the night angry with her” refers to the cause of the angels’
curse, because this confirms that she is a sinner, which is a different matter
than if he accepts her excuse and is not angry with her, or lets the matter
drop.
Is she to blame
if he keeps her away from his bed? The answer is: no, unless she is the one who
started the separation and he is keeping away from her because of it, and she
did not apologize but prolonged the separation. But if he is the one who
started it, and is thus treating her unfairly, then she is not to blame. In one
report, instead of the words “the angels curse her until morning,” the wording
is “… until she returns” – and this is a useful variant.
This hadith
tells us that denying a spouse’s rights – whether physical or financial – is
something that will inevitably bring about the wrath of Allah, unless Allah
grants His mercy to the sinner.
We also learn
that the angels will pray against a sinner so long as he or she persists in the
sin.
The hadith
also directs a wife to help her husband and seek his satisfaction, because a
man is less patient than a woman when it comes to doing without intercourse.
The most disturbing thing for a man is his sexual impulse, so Islam urges women
to help their husbands in this regard. (Adapted and abbreviated from the
commentary by al-Hafiz Ibn Hijr – may Allah have mercy on him – on this hadith
in Fath al-Bari).
Whether the
husband wants to discipline his wife, or forgive her, or take another wife, or
divorce her, this is all up to him to choose. Let the woman beware of incurring
her husband’s wrath because this will lead to Allah’s being angry with her.
We ask Allah
to rectify this situation. May Allah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
And Allâh
knows best
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